The morning after

I stumbled across this blog again today after more than 2 years. I had completely forgotten about it. I’d like to continue writing it, if only for myself, but I don’t think I’ll have the time.

But sitting here reading what I’ve written so far, I’m taken back across the years to that morning. I can still remember what it felt like to wake up with him that morning: how his arms felt against my body, his breath on my neck and my heart skipping merrily along with the knowledge that I was in love with this man. Neither of us wanted to get out of that bed. I was fascinated by his body; he had muscles where I didn’t know they existed! And he was very taken by the length of my legs. But sadly we had to drag ourselves from beneath the duvet and join the rest of the house party. V sensed immediately that something had happened and sequestered me at breakfast for a very thorough interrogation. V and I weren’t terribly close – M had been my friend originally – but I didn’t, and still don’t, have a lot of close female friends, so it was nice to be able to talk things through with someone.

In the back of mind was the feeling that I didn’t want another relationship. Obviously this had absolutely nothing to do with Dominic and everything to do with my recent past. I was still feeling fragile and vulnerable. I wanted to protect my heart and yet here I was giving it away again before it had fully healed. At the same time I didn’t want to be separated from Dominic for a moment. I felt very conflicted.

For the rest of that weekend we were pretty inseparable. There were lots of quick fumbles whenever we could snatch a few moments alone, which set the tone for the next stage of our relationship. We seemingly could not get enough of each other. I drove us home in Dominic’s car on the Sunday evening and we went straight back to my place where we stayed for the next three days, calling in sick to our jobs and only leaving to grab supplies from the local shop. It wasn’t just about the sex, we were truly bonding in those few days. We talked so much; about our childhoods and our friends and our hopes and aspirations, about the state of the world and what we’d do if we ran it, no topic was off-limits. And when the words ran out we would kiss and touch and caress each other whilst staring deep into each others eyes…in those moments I was certainly thinking of our shared future.

When we went back to our respective jobs was when the step up in the intensity of our relationship became noticeable. We would call each other several times a day, spend most nights together and even, a few times, visit each other at lunchtime when office doors would be locked, blinds closed and the desk would see a bit of action. One time I went over to his office wearing nothing but my raincoat and high heels. Dominic said afterwards that he wouldn’t have given a shit if the CEO had walked in after that. I had never done anything quite so brazen and daring before, and was terrified the entire time!

They were heady days. I have only good memories about that stage of our relationship.

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