Archive for March, 2012

Three little words

Posted in Blog, Diary, Faction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 28, 2012 by suzaloo

We’d been together about eight or nine months when Dominic suggested we take a holiday together. I was thrilled and agreed almost before he’d finished asking me. He asked that I trust him to organise it all and be content to know simply when we were leaving and what I should pack.

Just a month later I was packed and ready to go for two weeks to ‘somewhere pretty hot’, which is the only clue he gave me. The lessons I was learning about Dominic were important ones. He’s very big on romantic gestures. He can keep a secret even under intense interrogation. And he organises the most amazing holidays!

We went to the The Maldives, to a tiny private resort tucked away on one of the southern islands. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. We had our own little villa right on the beach with a pool and an outside bath and a house master who did absolutely everything for us. I didn’t have to lift a finger the entire time I was there. I could wax lyrical about that resort for pages and pages; it really was the most incredible place.

But Dominic had plans. Now, when I’d told my friends and family that we were going away and it was all a big surprise, eyebrows were raised and I think most people assumed I’d come back with a large diamond on my finger itching to plan a wedding. But I knew this holiday wasn’t about a proposal. I knew that it was too soon for a man like Dominic, who doesn’t rush into anything. I knew he felt he was too young to get married and wanted to wait a while. And while I was very secure in our relationship and felt that we were really going somewhere, I wasn’t ready for such a huge commitment either. Besides, he hadn’t yet told me that he loved me. To be fair, I hadn’t told him either, even though I did love him very much by that point.

The third day we were there, we went diving. At that time we were both qualified open water divers so we decided to do the three dives we needed to step up to the next level of adventure diver. I love diving. There is something so other-worldly about being submerged in the ocean, you see the most amazing and beautiful things. After we completed the dives and got our new certificates, we went back to the villa to get changed for dinner. The hotel had a private beach on which one couple could dine each evening, and that night Dominic had reserved  it for us. We ate against the backdrop of the setting sun and it was so bone-achingly romantic it’s almost cheesy. After we ate, we laid back on on a bed of cushions and watched the stars come out. There were thousands of them, more than I’d ever seen before.

Looking back, I have to say that was one of the best nights of my life ever. We kissed and cuddled under the stars for the longest time. Dominic tasted of salt and brandy and I wished time would just stop and leave us there forever. Then he pulled me close and held me really tight, looked straight into my eyes and whispered, “I love you Suzanne.”

 

The morning after

Posted in Blog, Diary, Faction with tags , , , on March 27, 2012 by suzaloo

I stumbled across this blog again today after more than 2 years. I had completely forgotten about it. I’d like to continue writing it, if only for myself, but I don’t think I’ll have the time.

But sitting here reading what I’ve written so far, I’m taken back across the years to that morning. I can still remember what it felt like to wake up with him that morning: how his arms felt against my body, his breath on my neck and my heart skipping merrily along with the knowledge that I was in love with this man. Neither of us wanted to get out of that bed. I was fascinated by his body; he had muscles where I didn’t know they existed! And he was very taken by the length of my legs. But sadly we had to drag ourselves from beneath the duvet and join the rest of the house party. V sensed immediately that something had happened and sequestered me at breakfast for a very thorough interrogation. V and I weren’t terribly close – M had been my friend originally – but I didn’t, and still don’t, have a lot of close female friends, so it was nice to be able to talk things through with someone.

In the back of mind was the feeling that I didn’t want another relationship. Obviously this had absolutely nothing to do with Dominic and everything to do with my recent past. I was still feeling fragile and vulnerable. I wanted to protect my heart and yet here I was giving it away again before it had fully healed. At the same time I didn’t want to be separated from Dominic for a moment. I felt very conflicted.

For the rest of that weekend we were pretty inseparable. There were lots of quick fumbles whenever we could snatch a few moments alone, which set the tone for the next stage of our relationship. We seemingly could not get enough of each other. I drove us home in Dominic’s car on the Sunday evening and we went straight back to my place where we stayed for the next three days, calling in sick to our jobs and only leaving to grab supplies from the local shop. It wasn’t just about the sex, we were truly bonding in those few days. We talked so much; about our childhoods and our friends and our hopes and aspirations, about the state of the world and what we’d do if we ran it, no topic was off-limits. And when the words ran out we would kiss and touch and caress each other whilst staring deep into each others eyes…in those moments I was certainly thinking of our shared future.

When we went back to our respective jobs was when the step up in the intensity of our relationship became noticeable. We would call each other several times a day, spend most nights together and even, a few times, visit each other at lunchtime when office doors would be locked, blinds closed and the desk would see a bit of action. One time I went over to his office wearing nothing but my raincoat and high heels. Dominic said afterwards that he wouldn’t have given a shit if the CEO had walked in after that. I had never done anything quite so brazen and daring before, and was terrified the entire time!

They were heady days. I have only good memories about that stage of our relationship.